A structured guide to working through the decision properly — before you spend anything. Six sections covering every fork: known donor vs sperm bank, the regulatory question, choosing from a bank, legal and relationship considerations, disclosure, and the feelings that don't fit anywhere else. Sections 1 and 2 are here. Sections 3–6 are in the Tuesday Briefing.
None of this constitutes medical or legal advice. Laws around donor conception vary significantly by country and change over time — verify current rules in your jurisdiction before making any decisions. For known donor arrangements, independent legal advice is essential.
Jump to the section most relevant to where you are right now. You can read all of them or come back to specific sections as the process moves forward.
This is the decision that determines everything downstream. It's not a medical question — it's a values and relationship question. Most of the content that exists online skips it and goes straight to profiles. Worth slowing down here.
A sperm bank donor is someone who has donated through a licensed facility, undergone screening, and exists for you as a profile. You will not know them personally. A known donor is someone from your life — a friend or acquaintance — who agrees to donate directly to you. Both routes involve legal and clinical processes, and both carry different emotional implications for you and for any future child.
Is there anyone in your life you'd consider asking? If no one comes to mind, that answers the question. If someone does — before you approach them, work through the questions below first.
What does a relationship with this person look like over 18+ years? Not now — in ten years, when circumstances will have changed. He may move, marry, have other children, change his mind about involvement. What does the arrangement look like under those conditions?
What do you want your child to be able to know? A known donor gives your child a specific person — a name, a face, a relationship to explain. A registered bank donor (in the UK) gives your child the right to identifying information at 18, but no prior relationship. These are different kinds of access, not simply more or less.
Are you comfortable managing an ongoing arrangement alongside everything else this process involves? Known donor arrangements require ongoing communication and agreement — before, during, and after treatment. This is a relationship that needs to be managed at a time when you have very little capacity to manage anything.
If you're genuinely unsure, that is a common place to be. The sections below cover both routes in full.
Before you look at a single profile, this question needs to be settled: where are you treating, and what does that mean for your child's future access to information about their donor?
This is not a preference you set in a profile filter. It is determined by the legal framework of the country in which your treatment takes place. The regulatory picture varies significantly, and it affects what your child can find out about themselves — not what you choose to tell them, but what they have the legal right to access independently when they are adults.
| Country | Anonymity status | What your child can access |
|---|---|---|
| UK | Identifiable | Donor's identifying information at age 18 — this is law, not clinic policy, and cannot be waived |
| Denmark | Identifiable | Denmark has moved toward identity-release donation; verify current rules with your clinic |
| Spain | Anonymous | Anonymous donation is the legal default; your child may not be able to access identifying information |
| Greece | Anonymous | Anonymous donation; non-identifying information only |
| US | Varies | Varies significantly by state and by bank — open-ID and anonymous options both exist; verify with each bank |
This decision doesn't belong only to you. It also shapes what your child will be able to find out about themselves.
On DNA testing: In 2026, home DNA testing (Ancestry, 23andMe, MyHeritage) makes it practically very difficult to keep donor conception private — or for a child to remain unable to find their donor, regardless of legal framework. The Donor Conception Network's ConnecteDNA Project has produced leaflets specifically addressing this for parents, for donor-conceived people, and for donors. Worth reading before you make any decisions about anonymity. Source: Donor Conception Network, registered charity no. 1041297.
Work out the regulatory picture before you open a profile database. What country you treat in is a decision with long-term consequences for your child — not a logistical detail.
Sections 3–6 — choosing from a sperm bank, legal and relationship questions for known donor arrangements, what to tell your child, and the feelings that don't fit anywhere else — are published in full in the Tuesday Briefing.
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